D... sms'ed the other night. I'd like to call you just to talk & hear your voice. Can I? Please.
Only if you really want to. She called.
We spoke and she said all she thinks about is us. A family with us. Me and her and a family. Well that is all I think about too. We spoke more and as it turned I could not really hear if she was being true to herself & true to me. There is something holding her back - what - only she knows. She even tells me that I still turn her on.... not much I can do from here I am afraid.
She then said - sorry I didn't call to upset you I shouldn't have called - sorry. I sent her an sms and said more or less - if you want me, I am here, you know how I feel and it's up to you now. But if you don't want me - we must never be in contact again. She said will I ever see you again? I said like this no.
In my book ex is ex because when it is not ex, it brings a lot of sh!t with it. It brings discomfort for the new partners and it brings back old ghosts with yourselves. All the what if? Never go away for good.
I also followed it up with a no pressure text because when we'd done it before we put a time pressure on it and of course it never worked properly.
Well she is thinking about it. I don't hold out much hope because I think that by now she should know if she wants me for the rest of our lives. If she has doubts, well all I can say is so do I. I don't know for DAMN sure that she is the one. I feel she is, we get on great, I find her , intelligent, hilarious much of the time, I find her sweet often, I find her szexy every waking moment and the ... is brilliant... we like much of the same stuff (sushi, travel, socialising, cuddling, eating in and making great salads, and a lot more). I even loke it when she stops to take these awesome pictures (she's a dab hand at photography & I am bad) & she always feels she should apologise for it. I have to add that I like her eyebrows a bit less plucked than she does them currently though :0
If she stays alone at home much longer... she might find that sort of independence too difficult to give up... but if she came and stayed with me, we could establish a home in Budapest for us, for holidays and getaways. A place she could pop back to often for visits to the family and friends and for us for later on in life.
Well I will wait to see what she thinks but in the mean time I will also sit here and think....
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