Tonight...

I must be a lonely fuck!! I was around with friends having dinner and I was the odd one out. Clearly the last 3 years have been a complete waste of my time.

I am beginning to think that meeting the Hungarian Princess was one of the bigger mistakes in my life for I am left with more heartache and despair that I have ever felt before. yes there were moments of happiness and yes there were moments when I thought this would be forever. Now all I am left with is a hole in my chest where once I felt something else. Something I want to fell again but something that was ripped out of me so quickly I almost cant remember how it felt before...

The empty chair beside me. The empty bed when I go to sleep... These are the times I wish I could have done something different to make you mine forever...

I've had a few beers and we've had a few laughs but that does little to cheer me up. D... how do I win your heart over forever? How do I make you mine? How do I make you want me? How do I make you want me for more that a few fleeting moments?

Decisions and indecisions plague me since the damned cycle started again...

The cycle where I'm left wondering what the hell I did or didn't do and why the hell I'm spending another Xmas and New Year on my own...

So here it is. Once I figure out just how to get (see pic)......my head out of my arse I have to decide the following;

1. Stay here in Romania and see what happens.... hopefully meet someone.

2. Move to Colombia for a new job/life but with the same company and see if I can meet someone nice there...

3. Resign - taking one of 3 options I have that just don't quite tickle me because the people know the market is down and therefore are not offering what they should...

4. Resign and move into my house in the UK. Boot the ex who lives there out to go live with her sister till I find other work...

I'm beginning to think that the last option is the one for me. Make a full break. Stop what I'm doing and start afresh. I'm thinking of taking up plumbing. Or maybe I should see if I can just buy into a business that is already on the go...

In the mean time I am still a bit dazed and confused and getting myself angry about the bloody Hungarian Princess (which is maybe a good thing this time round). Maybe the anger will mean I'll finally get these feelings out and dealt with. Stupid cow!